Schuldig
by Mira Spiegel
Summary: An old love of Goren's is handed the international file to bring in Nicole Wallace which causes the two to work together once more to catch his nemesis but not before Wallace takes them on a trip down memory lane. GorenOC
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order: CI and I am not making any money on this story.

Author's Note: First, this is not the sequel to "Sins of the Father" so don't look for Grace in here. ;-)

Second, I really don't know if Europe has bounty hunters but for the sake of my story, let's say they do.

And third, "Schuldig" means "guilty" in German.

Schuldig

Chapter One:

Robert Goren

Once Upon a Time in Germany

I fell in love with a German woman. It doesn't seem to matter that it was fifteen years ago and I haven't seen her since. Whenever she rises above the complex criminal thoughts that I allow to form in my own mind for the sake of a case, I feel like I did back in Germany. I turn into that twenty-six year old, scuffing his army boot in the rich farm soil of an unimportant rural village. Unimportant to the German government, the United States Army and everyone else in the world, but it had become a turning point in my life.

"What are you smiling at?"

Immediately I relax my face muscles and hope that Eames doesn't notice the blush that I feel creep across my cheeks. Judging from her smile, she does. I wave my hand, trying to dismiss her question. It seems to work somewhat.

"Fine, be secretive. Are you done?"

"Thinking?"

She gives me that smile that lets me know I'm in trouble. "Paperwork, Bobby. Are you done with your paperwork?"

I could lie and say "Yes, Alex, I'm done," but she sees the pile of paper still sitting on my side of the desk without the protection of folders. So, I opt for the simple truth.

"No," I say and pull the top form towards me, directing my entire attention on the paper and try to ignore the smug smirk and knowing head shake that my five-year partner is giving me. As I fill in the blanks on the form, my mind still wanders back to Germany. My only guess as to why Germany has entered my mind so much in the past twenty-four hours is due to the fresh snowfall that blanketed the city last night. The glinting covering that rests on skyscraper and field alike always dredges up my memories of Julia Bauer and her family's farm. My fingers go numb at the remembrance of helping Julia with the barn work when I was stationed at that farm.

World War II had ended forty-two years before I was stepped foot on German soil but the ideals of Hitler were still engrained in some of the people. The US had received word of a growing underground sect that was persecuting those not of the Aryan race in a small farming community. I was part of a ten man unit sent to investigate and arrest the leaders of this group in hopes to keep the group of growing larger and reaching across Germany. Some of the locals were trained and partnered with us. Julia was partnered with me.

"Bobby," Eames' exasperated voice jars my thoughts once more. My pen has apparently gone missing from my hand. Eames is holding it in front of my face. "Work now. Day dream later."

I must have been tapping my pen against the desk. A common occurrence whenever I get lost in my thoughts. This isn't the first time my writing instrument has been taken away. Promising to get some work done, I retrieve my pen and concentrate on the form once more. Thoughts of Julia, Germany and farms drift in and out of my thoughts as I fill out form after form.

A sigh across from me draws me out of "sign here" and "date" here. Eames is closing her last file and rubbing the back of her neck. I look at my watch and notice that two hours have passed. Thankfully, it looks like I'm nearing the end of my paperwork as well.

"Going home?" I ask.

She covers her mouth and tries to stifle a yawn.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Eames laughs tiredly. "You don't have much left, do you?"

I shake my head. "Five more minutes. I'll drop off your files to Deakins if you want."

"Sounds good."

"Goren. Eames."

I tried to ignore the frustration in Eames posture. Deakins was standing in his doorway, a mix of annoyance and possible hope. That usually only meant one thing. There was a new case. I fall into step behind Eames, close enough to hear her muttering under her breath.

"I was so close to being out of here."

I saw Deakins mouth "sorry" to her as we entered the office. I guess I wasn't the only one close enough to hear her. I was slightly surprised to see someone else in Deakins' office. It wasn't totally out of the ordinary but it was strange given the evening hour. The visitor, a woman, was leaning on the desk against the back wall, an attempt to go unnoticed. She was tall, but I couldn't determine how due to her relaxed posture. She had short, spiky blonde hair, very thin frame and was dressed in black pants and a bright blue blouse.

Then she looked up. Her eyes briefly flicked over Eames and Deakins before coming to me. The hair may be different, the dress style more expensive but the eyes had remained the same, that cryptic blue-green. Deakins broke the silence which broke the eye contact. I felt numb.

"This is Miss Julia Bauer from the London office of International Bounty Hunters. Apparently, Australia wants it's most notable fugitive back."

Eames sighed audible with frustration. "Nicole Wallace?"

Deakins nodded. "Miss Bauer here has been a European fugitive chaser for thirteen years. Her record is almost as good as yours."

"Bounty hunting?" I finally found my voice and was almost ashamed at the stupidity of the question.

She finally spoke and I was surprised at the lack of accent. "Your captain more correctly described my job as fugitive chasing."

"Why the interest in Wallace all of sudden?" Eames asked. At least one of us still had our wits about us. I still couldn't tear my eyes away from Julia. Apparently, she didn't feel the same way as she kept glancing between Eames, Deakins and the floor. I shoved my hands in my pockets because I couldn't find anything else to do with them. Consciously, I planted my feet to the ground and willed myself to be still. My mind had kicked into overdrive as I tried to follow the current conversation and organize fifteen years of questions into a sensible list. Fifteen years. It seemed more than a lifetime ago.

"Apparently," Deakins was saying, "the Australian government just got wind of the murders Wallace committed here and then got off on technicalities in our courts. They think they might do better."

"The Hitchens family in Australia just moved back into the social limelight and are using their pull to find, capture and punish Wallace," Julia had added quietly from her corner of the room. "Apparently my boss is good friends with George Hitchens, the widower."

"Miss Bauer will need all the information you can give her on our dealings with Wallace."

I noticed Julia straighten to her full height. "But that can wait till tomorrow morning. I'm sure your detectives were headed home very soon."

"Tomorrow morning would be great," Eames had said and Julia proceeded to sling a computer bag over her shoulder, a coat over her arm and promptly leave the office. She never even looked in my direction as she passed. I had to be honest with myself. Fifteen years changes a person. And the woman that had showed up at One Police Plaza, Eleven Floor, Major Case Squad was not the German farm girl I knew.

I fell in love with a German woman but I fear that woman is no more.


	2. Battlefield of the Mind

Disclaimer: I don't own Law and Order: CI and I am not making money off this story.

Author's Note: Anything written in italics is a flashback, just wanted to clear that up because there's going to be lots of flashbacks in this story.

Schuldig

Chapter Two:

Julia Bauer

The Battlefield of the Mind

I fell in love with an American man but that was fifteen years ago. People change during the course of fifteen years. But for some reason, seeing him again tonight, I find he hasn't changed at all. His black curly hair has been threaded with gray and of course his face has aged somewhat but his movements, his eyes, they still remain the same. It's as if no time has passed between us at all. I lay a hand across my stomach to quell the nervousness that had built up there. So much has passed between us.

I refused the Wallace case multiple times until my Chief in London gave me an ultimatum: take the case or look elsewhere for work. European bounty hunters are a rare breed so finding somewhere else to work was next to impossible. Chief Leeds knew that. I did not wish to face Robert O. Goren again but I also didn't want to face unemployment when I was fit for nothing else but fugitive chasing. I talked myself into giving him the cold shoulder, ignoring his presence and being forgetful of what happened in Germany.

But then I saw him, face to face, and all those thoughts threatened to desert me. My mind kept telling me to stay a safe distance from him and do not fall into the trap of his protective promises again, but my heart argued against that school of thought. In one second of eye contact, he had stripped me of my own detective skills and combat training, leaving me as he had left me on my family's farm, alone and scared.

"Miss Bauer?"

My step faltered at the sound of his voice, my name on his lips. I try to ignore him and become lost in the crowd but I should know better. This is his city. This is his territory. I could not become lost here as I had in Germany.

"Miss Bauer!"

I turn and catch a glimpse of him, head and shoulders above the crowd. He must have left his coat in his workplace as I could make out he was wearing his suit jacket and nothing over it. Those brown eyes seek mine out again and I can not push the memories back anymore. After building a fifteen year old floodgate to keep them check, the dam cracks and the memory of our first meeting leaks through.

_They weren't given a rank, this rag-tag group of German farmers. The US Army, out of consideration for this, removed the ranks from the ten men who were sent as investigators. They were all equal, or so I kept telling myself. _

_"Julia Bauer?"_

_I look up from the file I was reading into the most intense brown eyes I have ever seen. The man looking down at me is my exact physical opposite. Dark, curly black hair, wide open face, he had American written all over his appearance and demeanor. We were quite the contrast with my light blonde hair and aquamarine eyes. I glance down at the file and read the name of the partner that has been assigned to me. _

_"Robert O. Goren?"_

_He smiles shyly. "Yes." _

_The file states his birth date as August 20 of 1961. That would make him twenty-six against my eighteen years. He was eight years my senior and yet he was looking at me like I was the older one. _

_He stared at the floor and shuffled his feet. "I was, uh, told to go home with you tonight. That, uh, that was where I was to stay until the investigation is over."_

_I had forgotten about that. No wonder he was looking at me as if I had seniority. In a way, by my knowledge of the area and customs, I did have an upper hand in this partnership. However, his size intimidated me. He must have been pushing six foot five and had a barrel for a chest. He looked like he was built for farm work and perhaps that was why he was assigned to me. _

_I exited our meeting place, the basement of a local farmer who lived off the back roads. Most people did not know that the farm was located there and anyone spying on the house could be plainly seen given it was open space for a half mile on each side of the house. I started across the fields, my usual route, hearing my partner's not so sure step behind me. _

"_At least there's a full moon," he stated. He was trying to make conversation. We were warned about the Americans being this way and were instructed to try to converse with them. Besides, he spoke German fairly well. _

"_Yes, but when there's not a full moon, we carry flashlights."_

"_What kind of farm do you live on?"_

_I had to laugh at his question. There's only one kind of farm here."_

"_Well, in the States there are different kinds of farms. We have horse farms, dairies, crop, chicken, pig and so on."_

"_Oh," I had not thought of that. "We have horses, cows, chicken, and pigs and in the summer my father plants crops and in the winter he is a butcher."_

_He stopped in his tracks. "I'm not going to have to butcher any animals, am I?"_

"_Uh, no. I'll tell my father to excuse you from that nasty task."_

"_Have, have you ever, uh, killed an animal?"_

_"Once," I sighed deeply, "We had a horse turn his foot in a hole. He broke his leg and had to be put down. I was the only one home so I did it." I could still remember that day, could still feel the tears that ran down my cheeks as I fired the gun to put the animal out of his misery. _

_We reached the top of a hill and I could see my home in the near distance. We only had another ten minutes of walking before reaching the warmth inside. It was spring and the days were warming up slowly but the nights still had a chill in them. My partner's footfall was becoming more confident with each step. He was a fast learner. _

"_What should I call you?"_

_Americans were very strange indeed. "Julia, what else would you call me?"_

"_What are you going to call me?" _

_I turned to look at him and found him smiling broadly. "I'll call you Robert, just like your file states as your name."_

"_You can call me Bobby, if you want."_

"_Bobby? What kind of name is that? It sounds nothing like Robert."_

_He shrugged his broad shoulders. "It's my nickname. It's a common nickname for the name Robert. Besides, I was only called Robert when I was in trouble with my parents." _

"_Why do I get the idea you were called Robert quite often?"_

_We shared a laugh and I agreed to call him Bobby when it was just the two of us and Robert when we were in public. He agreed easily to the arrangement and we continued our walk in companionable silence. _

"Julia Bauer!"

He's found me in his crowded city. I recognize the weight of his hand on my shoulder but when I turn to face him he quickly drops back two steps, as if he's afraid I will lash out at him. I had been right in my observation. He had run out of his office without his overcoat. It was cold enough for his breath to become visible but other than that he acted like it wasn't cold at all.

"What do you want, Robert?"

"I, uh, just wanted to, to find out what hotel you were staying at."

"Why?"

He glanced down at the ground and put his long fingered hands in his pockets. "I was hoping we could catch up over drinks, or, uh, dinner."

I wanted to say yes. I would have liked to know if all the dreams he shared with me all those years ago had come true. But it was too dangerous. Opening up to him again would only bring more pain and I had suffered enough already.

"I don't think that would appropriate," I managed to get out with a believable edge in my voice. "I'll be by tomorrow morning to review the Wallace file with you and your partner."

He looked severely disappointed but agreeable to my statement. I nodded towards him before headed off in the crowd once more. I didn't hear his footfalls behind me anymore and a stab of pain shot through my heart.


	3. I Heard a Screen Door Slam

Disclaimer: I don't own Law and Order: CI, just borrowing everyone for a little while. I'm not making money off this story so please don't sue. Besides, I just blew all my money on Christmas gifts.

Schuldig

Chapter Three:

Robert Goren

I Heard a Screen Door Slam

I honestly didn't know what was more painful, listening to Nicole's taped barbs or watching Julia listen to it all. She had seen my interrogations before, back in Germany, and had put the utmost faith in my skills. She had jumped on two occasions when I had lost my cool with Nicole and I cringed inside each time. It also didn't help that she still hadn't looked at me since she arrived.

Eames had kept quiet for the better part of the morning. Filling in blanks or comments that might have been made. She kept casting suspicious looks between Julia and me. Most people assume that I'm the one that cracks all the cases but Eames is always a very significant part to the conclusion. I knew it wouldn't be long before she figured out what was causing my discomfort. Five years had given her incredible insight into my world and behavior.

A knock on the visitor's room door paused the tape and note taking. All of our heads turned to the door to see Captain Deakins standing there, a grim expression on his face.

"Mail call, folks," he said before tossing a postcard onto the table. It was addressed to Detectives Goren, Eames and Bauer. I didn't have to guess who it was from.

"Was it checked for prints?" I asked. I felt so weary of these games.

Deakins nodded his head. "It's clean."

I passed the card to Eames without giving it much of a look. I recognized the pictures from Berlin and understood the message that was supposed to be conveyed.

"So, Miss Wallace has taken a trip to Berlin," Eames commented, passing the card to Julia, who plucked it out of Eames' hand with a scowl.

"Looks like I'm on my own again," Julia added.

Deakins coughed slightly. There was more news and apparently he wasn't exactly happy about it.

"I just got off the phone with Chief Richard Leeds from London."

"Is he alright?" Julia spoke up.

"Fine, but he personally requested that the normal jurisdiction limits be lifted so my two detective's can accompany you to Germany to help with the investigation."

Eames was the first to react. "What? He's not serious."

Deakins remained silent.

Eames gaped in disbelief. "He is serious."

"And let me guess," I added, "You are too."

Deakins shrugged. "It's up to you two. I told Chief Leeds I'd have an answer by this afternoon so discuss if you want to go and get back to me. I want to see this woman locked up for good and I know you two," he pointed to Eames and me, "Want to see the same thing."

Deakins left the room and I was surprised to see Julia start packing up her files and papers.

"Where are you going?" Eames asked before I could.

Julia gave us both a confused look. "I thought you two would want to discuss the situation and figure out how to get out of it."

"Get out of it?" Eames and I said in unison. My partner looked at me and I let her handle the situation, not trusting myself to speak at the moment.

"Look, we've been chasing this woman for the past three years and we would love nothing more than to lock her up. Personally, I'd be willing to fly to Germany, arrest her and then fly to Australia to drop her off, watch her trial and go snorkeling."

Julia slowly turned her eyes towards me. At least she was looking at me now. "What do you think about this?"

I looked from Julia to Eames, who shrugged her shoulders and said, "I'm game." I felt a sense of winning a battle but not the war. I owed Eames ten margaritas for her willingness to go out of the country for this case. And who knew, perhaps retracing our steps in Germany could lead Julia and me to where we had gone wrong. If she wanted to, that is. As calmly as I could, I folded my hands on the table.

"Looks like we're going to Germany."

Eames nodded in agreement and stood up. "I'll go tell Deakins."

Julia returned to her chair that was at the opposite end of the table from me. An uncomfortable silence fell between us, something that had never happened before. I had half a dozen things that I wanted to say to her, to try to figure out what exactly I had done to cause such anger. If anyone had a reason to be harboring hatred it was me.

My six-month tour of Korea had ended and I had finally made my way back to that unimportant farm in rural Germany. The six months had been almost unbearable but I had made it through. My flight for the States left tomorrow afternoon, which only gave me a few scant hours to spend with the Bauer family before I took their only daughter away. To say I was nervous was a serious understatement.

_

* * *

_

_The local who had given me a ride in his broken down truck was halfway down the dirt driveway by the time I had dropped my bag at the bottom of the porch steps of the Bauer farmhouse. The area was strangely quiet and it left me slightly unnerved. I had expected Julia to be there at least. Maybe she was down at the barn and missed hearing the truck pull up. I wanted to believe that was all but I knew Julia better than that. She would have heard the truck five miles away. _

_The screen door slammed shut and I turned hopefully towards the noise. A grim faced Agnes Bauer, Julia's mother, stared down at me with her ice blue eyes. I removed my army issue hat and scrunched it up nervously in my hands. Agnes was a strong, hardheaded German woman who was not to be trifled with. When given the choice, I always opted to deal with Julia's father, Rolf. _

_"Good morning, Mrs. Bauer."_

_Her response was quick and short. "Julia isn't here, Robert."_

_My mind refused to process that piece of information. "What?"_

_"She isn't here," Agnes examined her fingernails, "She ran off five months ago. No one's seen her since." _

_"But that's not possible," I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out the letters that she had written to me over the past six months. "She wrote to me. She had to have received my letters which I sent here-"_

_"We passed your letters to her through a mutual friend. Now, Julia doesn't want to be found."_

_"I'd rather hear that from her, Mrs. Bauer."_

_"Then go find her. Good day, Robert."_

_And the door slammed shut, ending all conversation. I was in a daze as I called hospitals, hotels and friends. No one had seen her or if they had, they refused to tell me. I spent my fifteen-hour layover knocking on doors, making calls and showing the only picture I had of her to store clerks from Hamburg to Berlin. She had disappeared, completely. I barely made my plane that day, torn between getting on and going home to an ill mother, a selfish father and disinterested brother or continue to search for a woman who didn't want to be found. It was a decision I would question for years to come._

* * *

Alex still hadn't returned from talking with Deakins and Julia was shifting uncomfortably in her chair. She kept casting quick glances towards my direction and moving her jaw as if she wanted to say something. After remembering the sting of that screen door shutting I was fully prepared to let her feel uncomfortable. But after a few seconds she did open her mouth to speak and what she said shocked me.

"I was, uh, wondering if your offer for drinks is still open."

"Yeah, sure," was out of my mouth before I could even stop it.

"Tribeca Hotel at the Avenue of the America's."

"Tribeca? That's a nice hotel."

Julia nodded her head. "Our London office is very generous when we travel."

"Tribeca it is then. I'll meet you in the bar an hour after we leave here."

She smiled slightly, but at least she smiled, and the silence that fell between us wasn't as uncomfortable as it had been before.


	4. Winding Roads

Disclaimer: I don't own Law and Order: CI and I'm not making money off this story.

Schuldig

Chapter Four:

Julia Bauer

Winding Roads We Walk

I don't know what possessed me to take him up on his offer for drinks and possibly dinner. And yet, here I was, sitting at the Tribeca Hotel bar, counting down the minutes till he showed up. I sighed and rubbed my forehead in frustration. I knew why I was here waiting for him. I was hoping to get answers.

His behavior had me puzzled. He acted shocked and almost happy to have seen me yesterday. A man who leaves a woman he supposedly loves does not react the way that Robert had. I spent last night in a terrible state, trying to figure out what exactly had gone wrong between us. The only problem was how could I ask him why he never came back without revealing why I wasn't at the farm.

"Hey."

I turn my head to see Robert standing next to my barstool. I started to stand but he held his hand up and slid onto the stool next to me. He was dressed in a different suit and shirt but had left the tie at home. It was odd to see him dressed like that when I had become used to seeing him in jeans and flannel shirts.

"Hello, Robert." He gave me a slightly pained look, most likely due to the fact that I refused to call him "Bobby." He ordered a scotch for himself as I was already nursing a cosmopolitan. He took a sip of his drink but remained silent. Perhaps he was waiting for me to make the first move? Yet another behavior that didn't match up with a man who abandoned someone.

"I'm glad you came."

He gave me one of those half-smiles that he always used when he wasn't sure of a situation. I had seen it practically every day while we were partnered in Germany. He took another sip before setting the glass down and folding his long fingered hands on the shiny bar.

"So am I," he started. "I guess I should start with the basic questions. Are you married now?"

"No. Are you?"

He laughed slightly. "No. How are your parents?"

"My mother died two years ago but my father is still running the farm. And your family?"

He sighed deeply and reached for his scotch. "My mother is in a psychiatric home upstate. My father died a few years back and I don't know where my brother is at the moment."

I knew of his mother's condition and how his father's callous ways and abandonment of the family had affected him. I had witnessed it firsthand one rainy spring afternoon shortly after our relationship began.

_

* * *

__I had searched the house for him that afternoon. We were suppose to discuss possible suspects and meeting places now that he had learned the area and locals but he was no where to be found. I found my father in the kitchen, pulling off his rain jacket and hanging it on a corner hook to drip dry. _

_"Have you seen Robert?"_

_The lines on my father's weathered face deepened as he nodded gravely. "He just received a letter from home. I don't think he wants to be disturbed right now."_

_"Where is he?"_

_My father sighed deeply, knowing my stubbornness was legendary in the farming community. "He's in the barn, just don't push him, Julia." _

_I nodded my agreement and headed out of the house. It wasn't until I was half way to the barn that I realized I had forgotten my rain jacket. I was soak to the bone with the chilly late-April rain by the time I had reached the barn. I didn't see him in the aisle way, sitting on the hay bales as he sometimes did. I checked the feed room and the tack room that held the saddles and bridles for the horses. That only left one place for him to have retreated to: the hayloft. _

_I climbed the wooden ladder up into the storage space, the heady scent of hay filling my nose. There was no lighting in the hayloft, other than the dismal natural light that filtered in from the double doors that were used to hoist the hay bales into the loft. I had to wait for my eyes to adjust to the dim light but once they did, he wasn't hard to find. _

_He was sitting on one of the many bales, head down with the letter in his hand. Whether he was reading it or just mulling it over I didn't know. I wrapped my arms around my body, trying to stop the shivering as I approached him. My father was in the house getting warm, he wouldn't come out to the barn anytime soon and my mother never came out to the barn. We were safe from the world for a little while at least. _

_"Bobby?" _

_Immediately the paper was folded and slipped into his shirt pocket. "Yeah?"_

_"I heard you received a letter from home today. Is everything okay?"_

_"Yeah, I guess as okay as things can get."_

_I sat down next to him on the hay bale, not exactly sure what kind of comfort he would accept from me. There was still a lot I needed to learn about him. _

_"Who was the letter from?"_

_He looked out the open doors at the downpour outside. "My mother."_

_I nodded, though he probably didn't notice. He had confided me just a couple days ago about his mother's condition. I had never known anyone with a metal illness so the burden he carried I couldn't help with, unless he told me how to help him. I had gone to the library the other day and brought home some psychological manuals without his knowing, trying to educate myself on the matter. _

_"The letter didn't make sense?" I asked tentatively. _

_He shook his head. "No, it didn't." _

_But there was something else that bothering him. This wasn't the first nonsense letter he had received, I was sure of it. As gently as I could, I laid my hand on his arm. He looked down at it but didn't say or do anything concerning its placement. I took some comfort in the face that he didn't remove himself from my touch. _

_"What," he started but stopped. He inhaled shakily before continuing. "What if I become like her?"_

_He looked up at me as if asking for some assurance that he would never suffer from the illness that took his mother away from him. I didn't know enough about the disease to tell him he would be fine or he wouldn't. What I had learned about him he was a very logical man and that was the only thing I could use to calm his mind. _

_"What is the chance that you will develop it?"_

_"There's a 13 chance." _

_I squeezed his arm gently. "I'd sooner put my faith in the 87 chance of not developing the illness than the 13." _

_"My mother was diagnosed when she was thirty-two. There's still time for me to develop it. You can't deny that I'm not totally normal mentally."_

_"Yes, as a matter fact I can deny that. You definitely have your own way of doing things but there's nothing unstable about your mental processes." _

_"I'm afraid I'm going to get you hurt."_

_I shifted closer to him. "You let me worry about that and in all honestly, Bobby, I'm not worried at all." _

_The relief in his eyes was evident but there still was a trace of grief left over. I had a feeling that grief could never be erased completely from his eyes. He laid his hand over mine and immediately noticed the chill to my skin. _

_"You're soaking wet!" He immediately took his coat off and wrapped it around my damp frame. His warmth that was stored in the coat warmed me up considerably. He wrapped both his arms around me and I dropped my head to his shoulder. _

_"I trust you completely, Bobby." _

_I felt his lips against my forehead and heard him whisper, "Thank you."_

* * *

I blinked back to reality, the scent of hay, rain and Bobby fading like the memory. I turned to see him staring at me intently.

"What were you thinking about?"

It was an honest, curious question but I didn't know how to answer it. How could I tell him I remembered that afternoon in the hayloft when they had held each other and cried over past wounds and personal fears?

"I was just...remembering."

He nodded slowly. "Me too."

We were not going to reach a conclusion if both us refused to talk about what happened. The direct approach was the only one that ever worked with him. Whenever he suspected someone was beating around the issue he only helped them find more ways to beat around the bush. It was actually something that I found very amusing whenever we were interrogating suspects. But it still, I had broach a subject that would only open a fifteen-year-old wound that still hadn't healed.

"Why didn't you come back, Robert?"

His scotch glass stopped halfway to his mouth and he turned wide brown eyes to me. Shock and confusion were all over his face, in such intensity it was not faked.

"I did come back." He set the glass down with a bang. "I came back exactly when I told you I would and you weren't there."

"I was in Berlin. I didn't have a choice about being there. My parents were suppose to tell you." And then it hit me, something I should have realized years ago. I had put my trust and faith in the wrong person. I should have known. "My mother..."

"Your mother was the one I saw that morning."

Guilt and shame overwhelmed me. "What did she tell you?"

"She said that you had ran away, months ago and they didn't know where you were."

Rage was starting to overcome my shame. My hands were shaking so badly and I didn't know what to do with them. "She knew exactly where I was."

"She said that you didn't want to be found."

"I told her to tell you where I was." I fought back the furious tears that threatened to show. "I had my suitcase packed."

"Where were you?"

There was the question I was trying to avoid but I had to answer him. "I was in a hospital in Berlin."

"Why?" The concern in his voice touched me incredibly. I wonder if things would have turned out differently if he had found me. My hands were still shaking so I folded them in my lap and pressed them against my stomach.

"I, uh, had pneumonia."

His forehead was furrowed and his hands were over his mouth. "I called all the hospitals."

"You did?"

He nodded slowly. "Hospitals, friends, police departments. I looked everywhere I could think of and no one had seen you."

"I'm so sorry, Bobby. No one told me that you had come back."

He gave me a triumphant smile.

"What?" I questioned.

"You, uh, you just called me Bobby, not Robert."

"I though you abandoned me."

The smile disappeared completely. "You should have known me better than that."

"I know." He was right. After knowing his feelings towards his own father, I should have known better. I should have realized my mother's treachery sooner. Bobby cleared his throat.

"Tell you what, let's start over completely." He extended his hand to me. "Hi, I'm Robert Goren but you can call me Bobby, if you want."

I took his hand and gave it a firm shake, relishing the feeling of being in physical contact with him after so many years. He didn't abandon me. He did keep his promise. "My name is Julia Bauer, it's nice to meet you, Bobby."


End file.
